There's really no way to half-ass your way through anything. Even if you think in the moment that you are putting your all into something, sometimes an outside perspective gives you a bit of insight. As if finding your way in life isn't already tough enough, at least for me, making choices and getting the motivation to go through with what needs to be done is one the hardest thigns ever.
The career path(s) I'm choosing (i.e. dance, film, television, theatre, musical theatre) are already tough enough, but choosing the actual direction I want to take is not an easy task. I have a slight problem of letting go of things when the path is unclear. Not only that, but trying to actually make a living doing what I want or at least working up to having the ability to acheive my goals in these respective fields is even more of an uphill battle.
This comes about from many months of thinking and trying to figure out...well...my life. Also, each time I'm at an audition, whether or not it goes well in my mind, I'm constantly reminded of how much I have to improve. That's generally a good thing, but is still pretty intimidation. I was at an audition yesterday for a short film, at which I felt I showed myself pretty decently, but definately still have some work to be done. I've been trying to see various films at the Tribeca Film Festival, and while I'm learning a lot from it, I also think about how much I need to do (or how the stars need to be perfectly alligned) for me to get to that point.
But, life is one big learning process. I'll keep chipping away at things and hopefully something comes through. Pleasant dreams, for tomorrow is another day!
